New Home!

I've been MIA for quite some time, sorry!  I had taken a break from blogging, but have decided to pick it up again.

You can find me at praybloomgrow.blogspot.com.  :)  Hope you will join me!

I'm back...

I feel so bad that I haven't written anything since my birthday in June.  This morning I am feeling called write since I want to remember some of the things that I heard last night at the All Saints Day mass. 

Yesterday was a big day for me.  By the time I went to bed I felt exhausted and just mentally and emotionally drained.  I finally made the decision to let go of a something that has been consuming my thoughts for some time and turn it over to God.  I realized that I do not have the power to change things and that He is, once again, in control of this situation, too.  Yesterday also marked what would have been Madelyn's 9 month birthday if she were still here.  I also entered the last week of my 2nd trimester with baby Catherine.  There were exciting things happening and then things that made me sad so they were kind of canceling each other out throughout the day until I got to mass.

I hadn't heard Monsignor give mass since Madelyn's funeral so just hearing his voice brought back memories of that day.  When Madelyn died, he told us that she was considered a saint.  Last night he spoke about how all of the saints up in heaven are like fans at a football game, always there to cheer us on and they are constantly praying for us.  I needed to hear those words so bad.  I always just think that those of us on earth are the only ones praying, but indeed, it is a 2-way street.  We are still connected.  They aren't just with us one day of the year, but every single day they are by our side.  I was very aware of that in the immediate months after Madelyn's death.  That feeling had faded, but I think it's back now. I'm not quite sure what did it but after I went up to receive communion my emotions broke loose and I couldn't stop crying for a good 5 minutes.  I felt really stupid crying during mass, but it was good for me.  I used to cry really easily (like during Disney movies or while watching sappy commercials), but for the past several months it hasn't come that naturally.  Anytime I do cry, I think of it as a therapeutic. :)

I guess that's all for now.  I will put it on the books that I did see another rainbow - on my anniversary!  Some may think I am crazy, but I am convinced Madelyn has a part in that!

My Favorite Birthday Present!

While I loved all of the gifts that I received from my family today, the best one came from sweet, Madelyn....

I went to "visit" Madelyn at the cemetery yesterday and I asked her to send me some sort of sign for my birthday.  I've always been one to put out "a sign" because I do think certain things are shown to us for a reason. 

After a nice dinner at Kincaid's Steakhouse tonight with Jim, I was wanting to finish things off the classy way....with some Sour Patch Kids.  We stopped at a CVS to pick some up and when I got out of the car I looked up and saw a rainbow!  Of course I had to tell someone else besides Jim about it, so I called my parents.  After texting the picture to my dad, he let me know that he had just checked the radar for Indianapolis and there was no rain anywhere near us.  Very cool.

Not the best picture even since it was taken with my iPhone :)

Thank you, Madelyn!  I love you and miss you more than you will ever know!

Two Boxes

I shared this with my CRHP group tonight.  Sometimes the simplest stories mean the most.  I hope you enjoy!

I have in my hands two boxes

Which God gave me to hold.

He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box

And all your joys in the gold."

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes

Both my joys and sorrows I stored.

But though the gold became heavier each day

The black was as light as before.

With curiosity I opened the black

I wanted to find out why.

And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole

Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused

"I wonder where my sorrows could be."

He smiled a gentle smile and said

"My child, they're all here with me."

I asked God why He gave me the boxes

Why the gold, and the black with the hole?

"My child, the gold is for you to count  your blessings

The black is for you to let go."

--Author Unknown--

As challenging as it may be, Let Go, and Let God!  He has a plan for you...

Guardian Angel

Sorry I have not posted in a week!  I've been busy with some new things and haven't had a chance to write.

I just wanted to say that I am amazed by the impact Madelyn has had on my life as well as friends, family, and even complete strangers.

I know she is watching over me and giving me the strength and confidence to move forward with my life.  I am determined to grow from everything we have gone through this year.  Even though she is not physically with me, she is very much still a part of me.  I try to make her proud.

How lucky am I to be a mom to an angel?

I love you Madelyn and miss you everyday!  Thank you for helping me to realize how truly blessed I really am.

Praying Out Loud

One thing that I definitely do not have a gift for (at the moment, anyway) is praying out loud.  We pray before family meals at home and Jim always is the one doing the talking.  I listen closely and if there's anyone or anything I feel that was left out, I add it in at the end.  For some reason, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable and when asked to do it, my mind normally goes blank.

I discerned to be Lay Director for the next Christ Renews His Parish and my first duty last night was to pray over the ladies that will be doing a witness during the renewal weekend.  Oh my!  I almost died when I heard that I would be praying out loud -- and right now!  If they gave me a couple of minutes I could probably write down a nice, coherent prayer and read it aloud, but it was totally a deer-in-headlights situation.  I have no idea what I said and if it made any sense, but my prayer intentions for today have definitely included somehow gaining the ability to pray in front of a group.

I've been scouring the Internet looking for tips, but haven't found much more than "Pretend you are just talking to Jesus".  Well, I'm pretty sure I'd feel a little nervous if Jesus plopped down into the chair next to me for a little one-on-one conversation.

Sorry for the rambling.  I hope I can look back on this post in a few months and laugh at the fact that it used to make me feel so nervous! :)

Heat Wave

A heat wave has hit Indiana.  Woo!  I felt like I was running in Florida last night -- hot and humid!

Speaking of running, I want to report some progress.  :)

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Although my speed isn't quite up to par with the average competitive runner, I am proud to say that I jogged 2 miles straight last night without stopping to walk.  For me, this is huge!  In just 2 months, I went from struggling to jog for a minute straight to jogging for 25 minutes.  My motivator is definitely Madelyn. Whenever I want to quit, I ask her to help me, and I manage to keep going.

I'm hoping to run the Ronald McDonald House 5K in June, so hopefully I will be able to add another 1.1 miles to distance.  I would also like to improve my speed.  Right now, I keep a slower pace to ensure that I can jog for the entire time.

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If you are thinking of doing the C25K program and you have an iPhone, I suggest you pay the $.99 for the app.  You can create playlists within the app and listen to your favorite songs while you train.  If you pay another $.99, you can add the GPS feature which will keep track of your distance and pace.

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This is one of my most used apps!  I love it! :)