I used to get upset over outrageous medical bills because they were so expensive and I just don't understand how certain things cost so much. I do not have those feels with the care that Madelyn and I received while we were in the hospital. Those doctors earned every penny that was billed to us (and our insurance company).
Anyway, as I was sitting in the car opening up the mail (I don't have the patience to wait until I get inside to do this), I was crying. Seeing Madelyn's name at the top of the E.O.B.s (explanation of benefits) and going through all 4 sheets with the charges from each of her NICU doctors made me quickly relive some moments in the hospital - some good and some bad.
2/1/11 - when she was born and totally unaware of what was ahead of us
2/2-5/11 - numerous doctor's visits with horrible news from the nuerologist, watching her crashing and then getting put on life support, deciding we would have to take her off of life support
2/6/11 - spending our last moments with Madelyn, holding her as she got a dose of morphine to ensure she wasn't in any pain in her last moments, saying goodbye, having the doctor come into our room to confirm that there was no longer a heartbeat
I am so thankful for the time I was able to spend with Madelyn, but a lot of my memories in the hospital really hurt to think about.
As I was sitting in the car, listening to K-Love, JD Chandler got on the air and said "If you are going through pain right now and don't really know why you are experiencing so much hurt, this song is for you." The song spoke directly to me and I have to say that God/Madelyn had something to do with it.
Before the Morning by Josh Wilson
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