Missing Madelyn

I have found that when I'm challenged by circumstances outside of my control that I start to really miss Madelyn.  I'm not sure exactly why that is.  It kind of reminds of falling down and hurting myself as a child and just wanting my parents to be there to help and comfort me.  

Lately I have had a difficult time expressing my emotions.  I may feel sad on the inside, but I can't cry.  I may be angry, but I can't show it.  I have my words, but no emotion behind them.  I still have the ability to laugh when I'm happy, so it's not as if I am "not there".  

 Coming from someone who cries in every Disney movie when bad things happen to cartoon characters...  I just wonder why this is.  Is it normal and healthy?  It's not something I am doing on purpose.  I have also noticed that I don't even get emotional anymore when about talking about what happened to Madelyn.  I've had to say it so many times that the story doesn't even affect me anymore.  Is this the same as when someone does something wrong so many times that he/she convinces himself that it's OK?  Maybe doing something so often causes the story or action to become someone's new "normal".  This may be a normal part of the grieving process.  It just doesn't make sense that when I'm telling my story to someone, he/she has tears in her eyes, but I'm talking as if it's no big deal.

"I will instruct you and show you the way you should walk, give you counsel and watch over you." -Psalm 32:8